Melodies of Life
by Iris Amergin
Summary: What is the worst part of dying? The opportunities lost, or the people left behind? Songfic, PG-13 for profanity.


Note: This fic takes place at the end of episode 23, "Paradise." The song used here, "Melodies of Life," is from _Final Fantasy IX_, and I rather obviously don't own it, _Trigun_, or any of the characters used here. And if you can't figure out who's narrating and who he's thinking of, you shouldn't be reading this.

Another Note: I'm using the version of Wolfwood's past given in the anime version of _Trigun_; the manga version is a bit different, since in the manga, Chapel the Evergreen didn't appear and Wolfwood was a member of the Gung-Ho Guns all along, rather than just working for them.

**Melodies of Life**

a Trigun songfic

    
_Alone for a while I've been searching through the dark_
_For traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart_
_To weave by picking up the pieces that remain_
_Melodies of life--love's lost refrain_

I wouldn't have thought it possible, not so long ago. I'd left all hope of finding love far behind me. I certainly never expected to find it with someone like you. Didn't seem like there was any way it could really happen; we're just too different. You're so sweet, innocent, always looking for the best in everyone. And me?

Whatever. I'm a byproduct of everything that's wrong with this damned hellhole of a planet. A hypocritical bastard...dammit, a priest who drinks, gambles, chain-smokes and kills; do you see something wrong with this picture?

_Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why_
_We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye_
_And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told_
_Let them ring out loud till they unfold_

Call it fate, call it destiny, call it blind luck, but somehow or other we just kept finding each other and getting deeper into trouble. A detour to buy you some pudding ended with us impersonating a married couple and almost getting into a shootout with Vash in the middle of the desert. Pretty wild, hon. But somehow it didn't really bother me the way I expected it would. Every time we found ourselves in the middle of anything, you just kept pushing me to be better than I was--am. I don't think I'd let any other girl take the cigarette out of my mouth like that, but for you, it didn't really bother me, you know?

_In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me_
_Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name_

And you didn't stop with the cigarettes, either. Whether you meant to or not, you kept pulling me back towards the light I gave up long ago. Every minute I spent around you was a like a challenge to revive the part of me that died when I shot my first gun. I never did tell you that story; I looked bad enough in your eyes already. At least that was my excuse. Should I have said something? I don't think it'd have made a difference...I always felt like you could see right through me anyway.

But when I pulled the trigger on Zazie the Beast...that look in your eyes hurt more than anything Vash said. I never wanted to disappoint you. I never wanted to hurt you. Seems that's all I can do though. Anyone else would've given up on me after that. But even after that, you still tried. You listened. I'm not used to being around someone who's willing to do that.

And your sandwiches were great, by the way.

_A voice from the past, joining yours and mine_
_Adding up the layers of harmony_
_And so it goes on and on_
_Melodies of life_
_To the sky beyond the flying birds--forever and beyond_

It's too bad I didn't meet you sooner, hon. Those days we had together taught me more than ten years with that bastard Chapel the Evergreen. All I learned from him was how to kill, but with you I learned how to live. Yeah, Vash helped with that too. But looking into his eyes never made my heart skip a beat...rather amusing thought, actually. Don't tell him I said that.

_So far and away, see the bird as it flies by_
_Gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky_
_I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings_
_Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings_

Back then I always thought tomorrow would be better. That illusion was beaten out of me pretty fast. I learned to dread the future, because it would only be worse that today. It gets hard to break a belief like that; I guess cynicism is easier to cling to than optimism. Maybe negativity is the human condition; God knows I've seen enough evidence of that already. But then someone like you comes along and blows a hole in my theory.

I'll be honest, hon. When I was around you, I didn't find myself dreading just the thought of having to wake up in the morning. You gave me hope, however brief, that things might just get better. Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. I don't really know what to think sometimes.

_In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me?_
_Was it fate that brought us close and now leaves me behind?_

Love was something I gave up on when...shit, I can't remember a time before I gave up on it. And when you've live so long without something, you start to wonder if it really exists. You proved it to me beyond a doubt; love exists, and it's hard as all hell to come by, so once you find it you damned well better not let go of it. I'm sure as hell not going to give it up now. I know you won't either...you're just not like that.

_If I should leave this lonely world behind_
_Your voice will still remember our melody_
_Now I know we'll carry on_
_Melodies of life_
_Come circle round and grow deep in our hearts_

You'll miss me, won't you? I don't want to take off on you like this, but who am I to argue with God? At the very least, I hope you'll remember me as proof of what you can do...you turned my life around and showed me that there's still hope for me yet. And you still surprise me, even after everything you've already done. Shit. I wish I could stick around for a while so you could keep right on surprising me. I always figured that when my number finally came up, I'd be ready for it. Guess I wasn't counting on you being there to give me something else to live for.

Dammit. God fucking dammit. I don't want to go.

I want to stay.

With you.

_As long as we remember..._


End file.
